Bella and Bello Forever

Hey guys! Bello and I have our wedding site up if you'd like to check it out.

Bella and Bello

Dude, Where's My Car?

Twelve years ago I was the notorious party girl and when I write notorious, I mean the evil little 5’4”, 97 pound, drunk blonde bomber. Yes, I had my fights with alcohol but lucky for me, that all seemed to go away when I decided to finally grow up.

My sister and then husband had paid me a weekend visit and we all decided to go out and drink. Correction – Bella decided to drink. Bella’s sister and hubby decided to be antisocial.

As I order another drink from the bar, my sister tells me that she and hubby are going to take my car and get something to eat.

Fine. Bye.

An hour goes by – Bella is full on wasted. BUT! Bella remembers EVERYTHING!

Drunk Bella leaves the bar to go and pass out in her car. Bella can’t find car. Bella panics.

Operator: 911, what’s your emergency?

Bella: Someone has stolen my car!

Operator: Someone stole your car?

Bella: Yes!

Operator: Are you located at the phone booth in front of Steve’s Hardware?

Bella: Yes!

(An alarm goes off – like a school bell ringing forever)

Bella: Someone broke into the store!

Operator: Someone has stolen your car and broken into your store?

Bella: NO! Someone has stolen my car and then broke into Steve’s Hardware!

Operator: Ma’am, where did you park your car and what time did you see it last?

Bella: I parked in the bar’s parking lot at 6:00 PM tonight. I lost my keys. I can’t find my car keys.

Operator: Ma’am, are you sure you didn’t give someone your car keys and a friend has your car?

Bella: NO!!! Someone stole my car!!!

Police officer walks up. Bella slams the phone down.

Bella: Someone stole my car!!!

Police: Ma’am, you are inebriated and I’d like you stand over here with me.

Looking out on the street, there goes Bella’s car.

Bella: MY CAR!!!!

Bella runs down the street.

Police: MA’AM GET BACK HERE! (Cop runs after Bella)

Sister stops, hubby gets out of car and lifts backseat and Bella dives in. Police catches up.

Police: Do you now this woman?

Sister: Yes, she’s my sister. Please excuse her she’s a little drunk.

Police: A little? She reported her car stolen. Is this her car?

Sister: Bella! You reported your car stolen when I told you we were getting something to eat and coming right back?

Police: She also reported a false break in at the hardware store down the street.

Sister: Bella! What’s wrong with you?!?!?!?!

Police: Get her home before I arrest her. I don‘t want to see her face near here for a long time.

Bella doesn’t pick fights, spit all over people, pass out in front of homes.

Nope.

She calls 911 and reports false crimes.

Don't Go There

I have been going out of my mind planning this wedding of mine and Bello's. Had I known that it would be this stressful, I would have asked Bello to elope. BUT - I am also aware that I would have WIDELY regretted that choice and everyone that knows me, knows that decision would have ruled my life, making it a permanent dwelling conversation.

I have everything in control and it appears to be going smooth. The only problem is, I don't know whether or not I am suppose to have a wedding coordinator at the wedding. I didn't hire one because I didn't see it being very reasonable to pay someone hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to plan my wedding for me when I could do it myself. Now I'm left wondering, "Who the hell is going to tell everyone that it's time for the cake cutting, time for the bride/groom dance.....?" Am I suppose to do that or was I suppose to hire someone to do that? FUCK, I am so confused!!!

And why are weddings so GAWD-DAMMED EXPENSIVE ANYWAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF?????

Sleepless nights are upon me and as much as I am looking forward to our special day, I just want to get it over with so that I can go back to normal and not have to worry about how I'm gonna pay the videographer, the photographer, the DJ, the hairstylist, the make-up artist, the seamstress.........