The In-laws Are Coming

This woman writes in complaining about how her husband’s parents are visiting for Christmas and will be staying for a month and a half. The last time they visited, it was for three long weeks and that was too much for her. She goes on to say how the in-laws complain about her cooking; they don’t drive so when they get bored, they expect her to drive them all over and entertain them; she doesn’t get along with the father-in-law and she works out of her home so she has to see them 24/7. She asks her husband to speak to his parents about the situation but he is apprehensive because it will cause conflicts and his parents would be livid. Besides, the time goes by fast for him because he works long hours and doesn’t have to see them as much as she does. She ends the letter by saying she is on the verge of tears when she thinks about her in-laws coming for Christmas.

My advice: First of all, let me rub it in by telling you how wonderful my in-laws are. Everyone should have in-laws like mine.

You have two choices:

1. Let them stay in the house for a couple of weeks. Since they don’t like your cooking anyway, make it even worse. When they start complaining, tell them that there’s a McDonald’s down the street within walking distance. Incase you don’t have one within walking distance, tell them that anyway and hopefully you will be able to get rid of them for a few hours. In the mornings when you get up, blast some really loud heavy metal music and turn on a chainsaw inside the house and dance. When they come down the stairs and see you dancing around with a chainsaw to heavy metal music, explain to them that it’s a stress reliever for you. At night, play horror movies and scream at every scene. Then, when you go to bed, wake up screaming from pretend nightmares. When the two weeks are over, pitch a tent out on your front lawn and tell them that’s where they will be staying for the next four weeks (provided they haven’t left already). When they protest, tell them it’s for their own safety because you fear you might hurt them. At the end of their long and eventful vacation, most likely they will never return and if they do, they will probably stay in a hotel.
2. Since your husband is a poor excuse for a man and a coward; kick him out and tell him to go live with his parents. This way, you are free of obnoxious in-laws and of a backboneless husband.