Are You Serious?

Okay, so this woman writes that her husband took her out to an exclusive restaurant. As they were conversing during dinner, they couldn’t help but notice the couple next to them eavesdropping on their conversation. The woman complained that the couple could hear every word, kept looking at them and tried to see the dinner check when the server put it down. She and her husband tried to ignore it but it ruined their evening. Her question was – How should she tell nosy people to mind their own business.

The advice that the columnist gave her was rather amusing however, I would have taken it a step further. The woman was advised to liven up the conversation next time, speaking louder and make references to situations that would make people feel uncomfortable. This is what I would have written:

Are you serious? I cannot believe you just wrote to ask advice on a subject like this. First of all, you are in America and it’s a free country (well sort of). This means that when you are in public (that’s P-U-B-L-I-C), you have to leave a marginal expectation that other people will hear what you have to say, especially if it’s good. It is unreasonable for anyone to think that when they go out ANYWHERE in public, that their conversations will be private. Leave private conversations for home, not public. Albeit, you can have fun with it next time. When you notice someone listening, ask them if they would like to join in on the conversation and tell them you’re trying to figure out how you can get away with having sex on top of the table without getting kicked out of the restaurant. Ask if they have any suggestions. Then, take a picture of their face (the dumbfounded look on their face should be hilarious) and post it all over the internet with a caption reading: Our IQ and life expectancy has recently passed each other going in opposite directions.