I Am An Addict

My name is Bella. I am an American Idol addict.

I can't help myself. Everytime I see that Simon Cowell, I want to bash his face in but I honestly do not think that ANYONE listens to him.

So, the reason why I started watching this season's American Idol? Simple. It began with the auditions. I wanted to see and hear all those people who thought they could become mega stars with their off pitch voices. Boy did I see some good ones. Honestly people, I do not know how some of these people think they are actually American Idol material. Who are they joking and most of all, why would they come on national TV and make themselves the butt of every joke? I don't understand it. To those out there who auditioned with your horrible voices: Do you really and truly beleive that your voice is great or even good for that matter? If so, go check yourself into a physichatric ward because you need to be put on something other than those Beta Blockers you're swallowing by the pound.

Why so harsh, Bella? Let’s review, shall we?

We start out with America’s theme, The American Anthem. The last time I remember this song being ruined was by the infamous, crotch grabbing Roseanne Barr. The horrendous off-key performance gave the word earsplitting a new definition. So, who was the next person to sing our beloved anthem and once again make it a horror scene? Leandra Jackson. The indescribable repulsion of appalling vocal chords was enough to elicit a new William Hung into the spotlight. The only difference is William Hung and his feeble voice has their own record. The only hit Ms. Jackson got was from Simon Cowell’s shocked expression that obviously left him flabbergasted. What were you thinking, Leandra? You didn't think you were actually good enough to be on American Idol and make it to the top 24? Did you?

Next up we had Davon Wright who gave it her all while singing the Village People’s YMCA. Good gawd, what a disaster that was. Girl, you couldn’t sing even if the Pope stuck his magic wand up your ass.

Jesse Grazella, you tried but you failed. TWICE. Jessie tried to sing Josh Groban’s You Raise Me Up, forgot the words, was given another chance and forgot them again. The judges waited all that time for him to belt out what was ultimately nothing but a bunch of gibberished, off-key words sung in a wannabe Luther Vandross style. He knew he sucked so bad; he kicked his own ass out the door.

How Do I Live is a favorite song of mine. Many people think that LeAnn Rimes is the original singer of this Movie Theme song however, much to your chagrin, she is not. Tricia Yearwood who sang this love them song from ConAir won a Grammy for best female country vocal performance for How Do I Live. Which American Idol auditioner had to screw this song up? Melissa Considine whose mother claimed she had lost her voice. Considine claimed that sometimes they have to dismiss good contestants like her. Wrong, Melissa. They dismiss the bad ones and one of them was you.

Derek Braxton, everyone. Remember this guy? He claims that he is the cousin of R&B Singer Toni Braxton. Judging by your performance, Mr. Braxton. I have one word for you. LIAR.

Christopher Kerney sang his version of I Heard It Through The Grape Vine. You must have not heard it through the grape vine correctly cuz YOU SUCK.

Don’t you just miss those Spice Girls? NOT! Angela Kennedy apparently does. Her distorted impression of If You Wanna Be Lover actually proved that the Spice Girls can sing.

Who can forget Little Orphan Aven? Aven Moore sang the theme song from Annie, The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow. The sun went down that day when Aven thought that he sounded so good, he carried his note for seven seconds not once but TWICE! Holy shit! Then, he wanted to sing another one! Gawd rest our souls, this guy needs a reality check!

I have left out a few because I want to know who you thought was horrible. There is one lady that I deliberately did not mention because I want you guys to have fun with it but I will leave some pretty funny quotes from her after her audition.

“Are you just saying that to get on my nerves or are you totally serious?”
“Because something tells me that I think you’re saying it to annoy me.”
“Weirdness is originality too.”
“I have a ton of different voices.” Yeah, in her head.

I can go on and on with all of these wonderful, excuse me, horrible wannabe singers who think they have what it takes to be an American Idol but I want to get to the good stuff.

Last night I watched as the 11 remaining contestants sang their hearts out. Most of them were pretty good with the exception of what’s her face who sang Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dane. Paula commented before that her voiced reminded Paula of Taylor Dane but dude, sweetheart, that didn’t mean to sing a bad impression of the woman. Jezus Krist.

I was waiting for only one person to light my night up – Scott Savol. When I first heard this man sing, goosebumps made their way all over my body. This man has a sexy, cool, laid back voice that can capture any girl’s heart. The story behind Scott’s life is one of a heartless father who told his son that he wouldn’t amount to anything. I hope you feel really bad right now, Scott’s dad, cuz your boy is still going strong.

Of course two other favorites of mine are Constatine and Bo. You both rock and I vote for you every episode.

However, I cannot stray from my beloved Scott. He wins my heart every time and last night’s performance of Against All Odds (Phil Collins) had me in tears at the end. I cannot tell you how proud of this man I am and I don’t even know him! Every week, I cannot wait until Tuesday to hear what he will sing next. He hasn’t failed me yet and I doubt he will. His choice of songs comes from his heart and he chooses those that will benefit his voice. This is why I spend the next hour at the end of the show hitting redial to vote for him as many times as possible.

There is one problem though. Thanks to a couple of idiots at Fox who screwed the last three contestant’s numbers up, I have to vote again tonight for the re-vote BUT this one’s even better cuz not only do I get to vote for one hour; I GET TO VOTE FOR 2!!!!! 2 HOURS OF REDIAL IS GONNA BE MIGHTY FUN TONIGHT. Hey screw you, buddy; I DO HAVE A LIFE.

Scott Savol has the voice of an Angel and I predict that he will win and become the next American Idol. So, for you Scott, I will spend two hours of my time tonight redialing your number to make sure that all my votes are in.