Renters Beware

Dear Mr. House Renter-

The conversation that we had today, left me disconcerted about your attitude. Do the owners of the property know you on a personal level? If so, shame on them for letting you handle the rental arrangements of their home. If not, then they should know about your pretentious, supercilious, autocratic, repudiating, reticent, callous and egotistical disposition. In other words, you are an arrogant, god-damn bastard and I wouldn’t rent from you even if it were the last house on earth.

I asked one simple question. “If this house does not rent by May 1st, would the owners consider a down payment of $1800 and I would pay the rest of the $900 on June 1st?"

You said, “You have a problem; you need a place to live after your lease is up. My clients have a problem; they have a house that needs to be rented. My clients are not going to hold off on renting their house to wait for your lease to be up. If we don’t get renters by then, you may be considered as a possible renter otherwise it all comes to blood; who’s willing to spare it and who’s not. I wouldn’t wait to rent to you no matter how much money you gave as a down payment. I have to hurry this conversation along; I have an appointment that I can’t miss. Let me ask you a question. Do you have more than two cars?”

“I have just two; a Jeep and a Camaro.”

“Would they fit into a two car garage?”

“I would imagine so since it is a two car garage.”

“Good because that’s the way this neighborhood operates. You cannot park your car in the driveway or on the curbside. They must remain in the garage at all times when not in use.” WTF?????? Would I be fined if I parked my car out on the curbside???

“Is this a privately owned street?”

“No. It’s just the way the people in the neighborhood like it to be; free of vehicles cluttering the street. Sorry to cut this conversation short but I have to go. If you would like to see the house, it’s at blah blah blah. The key is under the planter by the front door. Go ahead and let yourself in and take a tour.” Let myself in and take a tour? Hmmm…… better yet, why don’t I make a copy of the key so that I can have easy access to rip off whoever moves in? Do you think the owners of the house would appreciate you allowing strangers into their home without some kind of supervision? I certainly wouldn’t.

I asked ONE question and the only answer I should have gotten was, “It doesn’t look promising but I will inquire about that and get back to you.” How simple was that? I bet this guy’s a Republican. You know how I know that? Cuz he’s a fucker, that’s how I know.