What Happens in Tahoe, Stays in Tahoe

Okay, okay, okay. You know what you guys? This whole writing about my life is depressing me. It’s gonna have to wait for a bit so that I can muster enough strength to start writing about those couple of years in my life. So, for now, I am going to write about an incident that took place about seven years ago.

******WARNING****** Robin – make sure you have no food or liquids around you because I don’t want to be blamed for you choking to death. K? K.

My two friends Zeke and Tessa called me up one night and asked me if I wanted to go to Tahoe for the weekend. Gambling??? Hell yeah I wanna go!

Quick background – Zeke and I used to date but we had been broken up for a couple of years before this trip. However, we remained friends with occasional benefits.

We were having a great time in Tahoe. We went to a magic show and it was awesome! Of course I would have preferred naked men to naked women on the stage but it was still a damn good show.

That night we gambled for a few hours but I began losing so I had to slow down. We all went up to our suite and chilled for a bit. Tessa decided to go back down to the casino while Zeke and I had plans of our own.

So, Zeke and I are having our fun and all of a sudden, he gets up, goes through his backpack and pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

Bella: Uh, Zeke? What do you plan on doing with those?

Zeke: Cuffing you to the bed.

Bella: Yeah, well where on the bed? It doesn’t exactly have posts anywhere. It’s kind of impossible to do that when there’s nothing to cuff to.

Zeke: Then I’ll just put them on you without cuffing you to the bed.

Zeke puts the handcuffs on me. These aren’t plastic or toy handcuffs. This is the real deal were talking about here.

An hour later.

Bella: It’s getting difficult for me to do anything with these stupid cuffs on me. Can you take them off?

Zeke: Yeah. I got the key in my backpack.

Zeke’s rummaging through his backpack.

Zeke: It must be in my other bag.

Bella: (mumbling to herself) It fuckin better be.

Two minutes later.

Zeke: Uh. We kind of have a problem here.

Bella: What problem?!

Zeke: I think I left the key at home.

Bella: You better not be lying, Zeke. Where’s the god-damn key, Zeke?!

Zeke: It’s not here, Bella. I swear! It’s at my house.

Bella: Oh my gawd! What am I suppose to do? Walk around handcuffed for the rest of the weekend? Everyone’s gonna think I’m an escaped convict or something. I can’t go down to the casino in handcuffs! Zeke, you fucking idiot!

I was so mad. I got up from the bed and started kicking and hitting him and Zeke’s running away, laughing his ass off.

Bella: God-damn you, Zeke! Why didn’t you check to make sure you had the key before putting them on me?

Zeke: Because I thought I had it. I didn’t do this on purpose, Bella. Regardless of what you think.

Bella: Yeah right, asshole.

Zeke: I’m gonna go downstairs and get Tessa and see if she has any ideas on how to get these off you.

He proceeds to the door.

Bella: Uh, excuse me!!! You mind putting some clothes on me? I can’t exactly get dressed myself, you know!

Ya know, men suck sometimes. He’s helping me put my sweat pants on, only he’s lifting them up before my feet get through the openings and I end up falling flat on my ass. Of course, this pisses me off even more and I start kicking him and pitching a fit. So, what does he do next? He takes my shirt and shoves it over my head and makes a mad dash for the door before I could protest.

According to Tessa, this is what Zeke said when he went down to the casino to get her.

Zeke: Tessa! Tessa! We have an emergency. I need you to go up to the room with me.

Tessa: Why? What’s wrong? Is Bella okay?

Zeke: She’s fine, we just have a little problem.

Tessa: What?

Zeke: Just come up with me.

Tessa: No, Zeke. Not unless you tell me what the problem is.

Zeke: I handcuffed her.

Tessa: What?!

Zeke: I handcuffed her.

Tessa: So unhandcuff her, Zeke.

Zeke: I can’t. The key’s at my house.

Tessa: What?!?!?! YOU HANDCUFFED HER AND LEFT THE KEY AT HOME???

Zeke: SSSSHHHHH! Dammit, Tessa. Shut up. We need to pick the lock. Don’t you have a bobby pin or something?

Tessa: Yeah, I think I do. Let’s go. I don’t believe this.

They make their way up to the room and Tessa open’s the door. The minute she entered, she took one look at me and shook her head.

Tessa: You guys and your stupid sex games. Now look where it got you.

Bella: Tessa, get me out of these things.

Tessa: All right sweetie. Let’s see what we can do.

Tessa tried like hell to get those cuffs off of me but they just kept getting tighter and tighter until they began hurting my wrists.

Tessa: I don’t know what to tell you, Bella. Where gonna have to call the hotel management and ask them what we can do.

Bella: No don’t! This is so embarrassing. I don’t want the hotel manager up here!

Zeke: Bella we have no other alternative. We can’t get them off you.

Bella: Oh Gawd, this is so embarrassing.

We had no other choice. Tessa called the management and they came up. I could see the smirks on their faces as they tried to stifle their laughs.

Manager #1: What have you tried so far?

Tessa: A bobby pin and the cuffs got tighter.

Manager #2: Would you like me to try it again with the bobby pin?

Bella: No because it only makes it tighter and it hurts bad enough already.

Manager #1: Well what would you like us to do?

Bella: I don’t know, anything, just get these off of my wrists.

The managers both walked into the other room and had a discussion.

Manager #2: Okay. We are calling the Police Department.

Bella, Tessa & Zeke: YOU’RE WHAT?!?!

Manager #1: They are the only ones who would have a key to open the cuffs. That’s all we can offer you.

Bella: Jeeezus Christ! This is a fucking nightmare!!!

The police show up. Those looks, those stifling laughs, trying to keep a straight face while talking me.

Cop #1: So, what seems to be the problem here?

Bella: I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?

Cop #1: Handcuffed, huh?

Bella: How observant of you.

Cop #2: Let’s see how we can get those off.

Both cops try with their keys but for some reason, the keys wouldn’t unlock the cuffs.

Cop #1: It’s not working. They keep getting tighter. There gonna start cutting off her circulation if we don’t get them off soon. Do you have any bolt cutters?

Manager #1: Let me call maintenance.

Fifteen minutes later.

Manager #1: Maintenance does not have bolt cutters.

Cop #2: Okay. Call in the Fire Department.

Bella: WHAT?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?? You’re calling the Fire Department? For what???

Cop #1: Bella you need to calm down. (He tells me this while he’s laughing hysterically.)

Bella: This is crazy. ZEKE! When these cuffs come off, I swear, my foot is going straight up your ass!

Cop #2: Would you like me to keep trying with the key?

Bella: Well I guess it can’t get any tighter than it already is, can it? Go ahead.

Just as the Fire Department arrived, the cuffs popped open. There I am in a hysterical fit, surrounded by two hotel managers, two cops and four firefighters. Talk about embarrassing.

I got dressed and I decided that I needed a drink. The three of us went down and as we walked down the hall from the elevators, there they were; the hotel managers and their staff, applauding as we walked down the corridor. Unfuckingbelievable.