Stench From Hell

I was recently told of a culprit who was guilty of leaving ass fragrance in my mother’s bathroom on New Year’s.

What makes this even funnier is that I made a huge deal about it New Year’s night and I embarrassed this person to no end because I wouldn’t shut up about it.

“Oh man! Someone took the biggest shit in the bathroom! It smells worse than a Porta-Potty!”

“Good gawd, smells like someone sold their ass to the devil!”

“I can’t believe that smell! I thought I was gonna puke but I had to pee real bad so I held my breath in as long as possible. I didn’t even stay long enough to wash my hands!”

“Ass of Death forgot to use the Glade which is sitting on the bathtub next to the toilet. How can ya miss that??”

“How does someone’s ass stink THAT bad?”

“Someone must have eaten a raw skunk in order for something that rancid to come out their ass.”

That was all said in the Living Room. Then I went into the kitchen, not realizing that the culprit (who was sitting next to me in the LR but left) was in there too.

“Don’t anyone go in the bathroom for at least two hours cuz someone did more than drop a few kids off at the pool. They also managed to squeeze out some ground up road kill that baked in the sun for a week.”

“When your ass starts to smell that bad, you know it’s time for an enema.”

“If I ever come out of the bathroom leavin a stink behind like that, someone shoot me. Hell, my insides are already dyin’, why not finish me off?”

“Man, that smell is gonna stay in my nose for the next month, it’s so bad.”

“Someone make sure that bathroom door stays closed so we don’t all die from poisonous fecal stench.”

A couple weeks later, my Aunt tells me that it was my cousin that dropped the bomb in the bathroom. I laughed my ass off when I found this out. No wonder she ignored me the rest of the night.