Little Blonde Bomber

It amazes me that I have come so far in life as to earn a good living, raise a decent child, have a wonderful boyfriend and family, and be able to remain sane. Based on past incidents, had I been given the chance to see some of the crap that I did, I would have never guessed that I would be where I am at today. Those of you who read the story about my life with Belle’s biological father know what I am writing about. However, this post isn’t about depressing episodes that ruled a small portion of my life. No. This is about some of the stupid things that ultimately lead me to my now gracious existence in this world. Some of these incidents are merely child stupidity episodes and some are just plain blonde moments in life.

My mother had pulled out skirt steak for dinner one night and then decided that we would go out to dinner. She asked me to ‘put the steak back into the crisper drawer’. I didn’t understand what a crisper was and didn’t bother to ask. A few days later a horrible smell emanated from the drawer that contained plastic lids. When she opened up the drawer, there was the skirt steak at its worst. I, being 13 years old, put the steak not in the refrigerator drawer (where every normal child would have thought to put it) but put it in the cabinet drawer so that it could rot and turn into black flesh with a powerful odor strong enough to make you run out of the house holding a rag over your face. Yep, you can say I ruined that steak.

I was about ten years old and I got in trouble when my friend was caught stealing. I just happened to be with her so I was an accomplice. My step-father had to pick us up and when we got home, I was spanked with a belt. Damn that hurt. To get even for the belt, whenever I went to the bathroom, I would stir the toilet bowl with his toothbrush. I eventually got caught when I decided to take it a step further and put his toothbrush into feces. Instead of washing it off, I put it back in the holder. Now I don’t know, even to this day, if he ever used it but he did notice it and I got in big trouble for that one. I was just thanking my lucky stars that he didn’t spank me with the belt again. I think he figured out why I was tormenting him.

A few months later, I apparently wasn’t over the belt incident, so I destroyed my parent’s one and only transportation vehicle. My step-father had taken me to one of his softball games. It was cold out so I went to sit in the car. We all know that you don’t allow a young child to sit alone in the car because they play with things they shouldn’t be playing with. I discovered the lighter. I also discovered the napkins in the glove box. I put two and two together and made fire. BIG FIRE. In the glove box. The fire department came but it was too late. Upon their arrival the car blew up. Bye bye, Volkswagon.

I was a brat. I started younger than that too. My grandmother use to tell me stories of how I would somehow climb into my grandfather’s truck (I was only three) and release the e-brake. I thought it was the funniest thing when I saw grandpa running down the driveway in a panic. After that, my grandfather began locking his doors.

I feel bad for my mom. She had some really bad kids that did some awful things but in the end, we turned out alright.