Mom's Little Darling

Dear Bella,

A few years ago, my daughter and her husband planned a wedding that would be split three ways; between her husbands’s parents, me and them. The wedding was supposed to be small and simple. A year later, my daughter and her husband decided to elope. Her husband’s parents were invited but I was excluded.

Now my daughter has decided that she wants the real deal equipped with 300 guests with a majority of them being her husband’s side of the family and her father’s. Her father and I are divorced.

My family lives half around the country and the only people attending are my son and I. My daughter became incensed when I told her that I would not fund such an expensive affair because she is already married and I wasn’t even invited to the first wedding.

Now there is great tension between my daughter and I and I am confused on how to solve the situation. I offered to pay for the honeymoon but she turned down my offer and has now disowned me. Any suggestions?

-Disowned in IL

Dear Disowned,

Your daughter appears to be a very spoiled, heartless and self-centered person. I cannot imagine my daughter excluding me from her eloped wedding but inviting the in-laws and then have the nerve to request that I pay for her second “real” wedding. Here’s my advice on your revenge:

1. Tell your daughter, “Go ahead, spend away. I don’t care.” Just don’t mention that you will pay for it. This way, when she tries to sue (believe me, a person like your daughter would stoop down that low) you can tell the judge, “I told her to buy whatever she wanted but I never said I would pay for it.” That should teach her a lesson. Or:

2. Get a hold of her guest list. Send out cancellation cards so that they arrive one day before the wedding. Boy, I’d love to see the look on your daughter’s face when she finds out that someone has cancelled her wedding. Or:

3. If you can’t get a hold of the guest list, call the reception hall and cancel it. Then have someone call back and book it for something else on that same day and time. It will require a deposit but it will be worth it. Or:

4. Find out where the groomsmen and groom have their tux. Cancel it! Same with the bridesmaid and maid of honor dresses. Or:

5. Call up the flower company the morning of the wedding and cancel those too.

Make sure if you choose to carry out one these revenges that you do it in a way that you won’t be caught. Like I said, your daughter would probably sue you.

Good luck!

~Bella