A Wart's Tale

Several months ago I developed a wart on the inside of my left ring finger. For months it has been my friend and savior to my once non existent finger nails. It has been filed down, dug out, chewed on and burnt but never have I resulted in disrespecting my wart by using a medicine to make it disappear. Until recently.

I remember the very first wart I had. I was in the fourth grade and this small, rough, skin colored mole like thing developed on the back of my right hand. It wasn’t necessarily noticeable and all though I kept my left hand over it while riding the bus to school, it never really bothered me. I would constantly play with it and every now and then I would hear a shout from my mother, “Leave that disgusting thing alone! It needs to be burnt off for Christsakes!” No one ever did anything about it though. So as I picked at it, it grew and grew and grew. It grew to the size of an eraser from the end of a pencil.

One day, someone at school noticed. That person told another person and so on until the whole school found out that Bella had a huge wart on the back of her hand. The kids at school wanted to see it so they all gathered round me to look at it. That’s when one slimy bastard, Tommy, yelled to everyone, “She has a wart because she kisses frogs!” I had never been so humiliated in my life. From then on, I was known as Wartfrog. I was so mad; the only thing I could think of was taking a kickball to Tommy’s face. Even after my grandmother burnt the wart of with Compound W and the wart was gone, the kids at school still referred to me as Wartfrog. What a bunch of fucking bastards.

Twenty-three years later, here I am blessed with my second wart. Bello and I were lying in bed not too long ago, when he grabbed my hand and was massaging my fingers. His fingers braised my wart and he jerked back, “Ewww! Was that your wart that I just touched? That’s gross!” Instantly, Wartfrog memories surfaced and a few days later I bought Freeze-Off. Sadly, my friend the wart has almost disappeared but I have no fear that it may one day grace me with its presence yet once again.