Somebody, Please Pity Me.

We are getting things together…..slowly….only because I am a procrastinating turtle but we are looking forward to our big move. It will be nice to get out of our overpriced two bedroom apartment and move into a nice spacious four bedroom home – over 2,400 square feet of space. It’s one story but the house is looooooong!

I remember when my dad, Mickey and my other mom, Minnie (I miss you so much, mom) first bought the house and mom’s comment was, “It takes forever to walk from the kitchen to the bathroom! Sometimes I get scared thinking I may not make it. You have to kind of plan ahead to make it to the bathroom or on your way to/from one of the back bedrooms, make a pit stop even if you don’t have to go.” I laughed so hard when she said this. I miss her laugh and everything about her.

The anticipation is killing Bello. He just wants to get out of that apartment. I don’t blame him. The other day, the apartment manager put a notice on our door telling us to take down our Bamboo shade from our balcony within three days or get out. I was shocked when I read this. The shade helped keep our AC bill down for the last three summers because the sunlight in the late afternoon shines right into our bedroom making it miserable to sleep in for the night. When we told them that we wouldn’t be resigning our lease, the nasty gram appeared a few days later. Most of the apartments are empty and no one seems to stay in them for longer than three months. For one thing, the rent is way too much and management is a pain in the ass.

My first reaction was to storm into the office and demand answers for this unwarranted notice. However, I want some of my deposit back so I will keep my mouth shut. I think they may be upset because I know that no matter how bad the carpet is worn, I won’t have to pay to replace it because the warranty is up. Everything else is just wear and tear and they won’t get much of my $2400 deposit. They’ll try to get as much as possible, this I know, but what they don’t know is that I am a walking talking Tenant/Landlord Law book.

In other news, my sister is getting married for the second time in April. This second one comes before MY FIRST wedding. I know I should be excited and happy but the truth is I am depressed and sad because I don’t even have an engagement ring. On Saturday, everyone went to Layla’s (my mother) to celebrate my brother’s birthday. The subject of my sister’s wedding came up and everyone was talking excitedly about it; asking her about her dress, her colors……and the whole time I’m listening to this I’m thinking, “Wow, I’m the one who should be raving about my wedding, I’m the one who should be showing a picture of my wedding gown, I’m the one who should be showing off my wedding colors.” However, I’m not even engaged. I feel ripped off, I’m jealous and envious, depressed and angry, and the only thing I want to do is hang my head down and cry. I hated everyone at my mom’s house and I walked out of the room. I feel ashamed because I should be happy but I’m not. The feelings are selfish but I can’t help it. I am resenting my sister right now because my boyfriend has yet to propose. It makes me think that he is afraid to commit. The fact that I love him so much and I would marry him in a heartbeat makes my pain even greater.

Bello said that he and his friend were talking about ways to propose. I’m afraid to get my hopes up because I am afraid that when he does propose, it probably won’t be for another year or so. I know he’ll read this and be upset with me for posting this but I feel so hopeless right now. We’ve been together for seven years and he’s promised for the last five that we will get married, that he will propose but he doesn’t want to be rushed. Well, I’m tired of waiting and I am tired of hurting. Hopefully something good will happen in the NEAR future so that the waiting and the hurting will disappear. I won’t get my hopes up but I will continue to be optimistic.