Bitter-Sweet Goodbye

Dear Chocolate Cake,

Last night you caught me by surprise. You have ruined every ounce of trust that I had in you. You are right up there with Éclair in National Lampoon’s Van Wilder. You betrayed me and I will never think of you the same again.

I was enjoying you; I even paused my movie to run to you, to feel your delicious and sinful taste on my tongue. I started with your rich and thick buttercream frosting and even though I prefer your brother, whip, I treated you with the same loving and sensual touch as I do with whip. I was enjoying you all to myself, in bed and in the dark.

However, you are the devil of all evil, you are the connoisseur of all betrayal, the master of disguise. When I licked your frosting clean and bit into your cake, your taste was not the chocolate fluff that I had so desired. I continued to chew your moist and tender fluff and when I swallowed, I began to gag. I then turned on the light and to my horror; one side of your fluff was covered in mold!

I cannot tell your story without gagging. I don’t think I will ever be able to fully consume you without gagging. You and Éclair will be on my DO NOT TOUCH list for quite a while.

Au Revoir,

Bella

War Dreams

I had a really bizarre dream last night that spooked me and I couldn’t get back to sleep for an hour.

My dream seemed very real and very scary and it made me think of those innocent people who are dealing with this kind of problem right now. War.

In my dream, my family and friends and I were at a gas station buying sodas and water. We walked out to our car and a bunch of foreign men with guns forced us into the gas station garage and began shooting the men and letting the women go. I was holding onto Belle, still in shock at what was happening. Bello was behind me and told me to put my hands up to let them know that I was not armed. Bello said he would stay right behind me and we would walk out. However, I knew that they would shoot him but let Belle and I go, so I told him he had stay there and hide. The confused look on his face will stay with me for a while. He didn’t understand that they were only allowing the women to survive. I turned around to say goodbye to him and he was gone. I felt relieved but scared that I would never see him again.

I took Belle’s hand, walked out with my hands up and the war hounds shooed me out. I remember being in my old hometown area, walking up the hills, trying to figure out my way to mother’s house without being killed. I have never felt so much fear for my daughter’s life in all her years. I ran up hills, dragging her, dodging in and out of cars from potential war criminals on the street. Then, I finally made it to my mother’s house.

Once inside, I looked out the window to see a white van stop in front of the house and two men were trying to see if anyone was inside my mother’s house. I ducked behind the couch so they wouldn’t see me. When they drove off, I went around the house and locked all the doors. I then hid Belle in a safe place and went to call Bello on his phone to see if he was okay. Then something dawned on me. What if I call and he’s hiding and the war criminals hear his phone ring? I thought it would be best to wait until I hear from him or someone that was with him. As I was thinking about this, I realized that I had forgotten to lock one door; the door in the kitchen. I ran to lock it and as I reached the door, it was kicked open, hit me in the face and I woke up.

I was awake, but I was in shock. I got up and went to Belle’s room to give her a kiss and then I crawled back into to bed and stared at Bello for an hour. I was glad that he was where he was suppose to be; right next to me all along.

I never want to dream something like that again and I don’t know why I would dream something like that to begin with. I support our troops, don’t agree with war, and I feel for those innocent people being killed but why would I dream something like this?

There has to be some kind of meaning behind it. What do you think it means?

Did I Mention That You Stink?

I was recently offended by someone's horrible body odor. Actually, I wasn't recently offended; I just have been recently no longer able to tolerate the offensive smell.

Person to remain nameless has this ability to produce so much body odor that the smell can fill a two story house. I kid you not.

I was minding my own bees wax when said person happened upon my cube to present me not only with a task but with a smell that attacked my nose and took over the wonderful taste of the lovely mandarin occupying my mouth, hence the expression, "It smelled so bad I could taste it."

A couple of hours later, I was again minding my own business, my co-worker and I were looking out of the window of a bosses office, watching the hail and lighting come down, listening to the rolling thunder and I eating my delicious granola bar when again, said person walks into the room. The smell violated my nostrils and again, assumed the sweet taste of my granola bar, hence the expression, "It smelled so bad I puked."

I now know why the girl who sits next to her has so many air fresheners. If I were that girl, I would wrap a bottle of deoderant with a pink little ribbon and a card that says, "Did I Mention That You Stink?"

The Man Who Would Curse Women

What is this? My uterus. What's it doing out of my body?

I am wrapping it up with a nice pink ribbon and sending to Alito as a welcoming gift.