I Dream of Placentas

You know those really weird dreams you have; just totally bizarre with a capital CREEPY? Man, did I have one those last night and the minute I awoke, I felt like jumping in the shower.

There I was in a hospital waiting room sitting on a cushioned bench. I look to my left and this lady is screaming bloody murder because she is in labor. The whole time, I am wondering why this woman isn’t in a delivery room. Instead, she is sitting on another bench to the left of me. The nurses and doctors come up to me and tell me that my water has broken. I look down at a big belly and I think to myself I’m pregnant? How the hell did that happen? I wasn’t pregnant yesterday but today I’m nine months pregnant?! They lay me down on the bench and I lift my head up to see that woman in labor across from me on her back, legs spread, everything exposed and they are telling her to push. This is freakin nuts! Then they all started chanting for me to push. "Shouldn’t I be in a delivery room and not on a bench in the waiting area????" "Just push, PUSH, PUSH!!!" So I start pushing and this baby pops out of me. I look down and I smile to see this baby that the doctor is holding up, umbilical cord and all. No pain. Wouldn’t that be nice in reality? I look down again, this time at my hospital gown and I am soaked in after birth. Gross!!!! I start to gag and the doctor cuts the umbilical cord and tells me I need to walk down the hall to have the placenta removed. "Where?" "Just follow the other women." So I get up, after birth and all, and walk over to the department where I stand in line, waiting to have my placenta removed while an umbilical cord dangles between my legs underneath my hospital gown. I see a nurse to my right and she looks at all of us standing there and then announces on a PA – "We need a doctor in the Placenta Department, we have a long line of woman here waiting to have their placentas removed!"

That Book of Perfectly Useless Information

Bizarre Almost Unexplainable Events

A pair of identical American twin boys were separated at birth in 1940 and adopted by different people who didn't know each other. Each boy was named James, each boy married a woman named Linda, had a son named James Alan and was then divorced.

In 1975 in Detroit, a baby fell out of a building fourteen stories up. Fortunately, it landed on a man named Joseph Figlock. A year later, another baby fell from the same building and survived by falling on...Joseph Figlock.

A nun at a convent in Clwyd tried but failed to grow mush- rooms in the convent grounds. She died at the age of seventy- nine in 1986, and a decent crop of mushrooms has grown on her grave every autumn since. Nowhere else in the convent do mushrooms grow.

In 1938, Phyllis Newcombe, twenty-two, combusted spontaneous- ly at a dance hall during a waltz. Many people witnessed this unexplained phenomenon, which has parallels with the combustion of a British pensioner, Euphemia Johnson, who died after suddenly bursting into fire during her afternoon tea.

In 1984, a Greek Orthodox priest was cooking a sheep's head when he discovered that the sheep had a jaw composed of fourteen-karat gold (worth some $6,000). The sheep had come from a herd owned by the priest's own brother-in-law, and he couldn't come up with any plausible explanation.

In 1986, American judge Samuel King was annoyed that some jurors were absent from his Californian court because of heavy rain, so he issued a decree: "I hereby order that it cease raining by Tuesday." California suffered a five-year drought. So in 1991 the judge decreed, "Rain shall fall in California beginning February 27." Later that day, the state had its heaviest rainfall in a decade.

In Bermuda, two brothers were killed precisely one year apart at the age of seventeen by the same taxi driver carry- ing the same passenger on the same street. The two boys had each been riding the same moped.

Confession of a Dangerous (And Rather Stupid) Mind

CHICAGO - WKSC-FM (103.5), a Chicago area radio station, hosts a radio confessions show where people typically call and confess to cheating or taking something from work. However, DJ "Drex" was surprised to receive a call from a man who confessed that he and five others robbed a TCF Bank inside a Jewel-Osco store last April. The caller went on to give specific details of the crime. Unfortunately for him, an FBI employee happened to be listening to the broadcast and recognized details of the robbery. The employee obtained a copy of the broadcast and traced the call back to a cell phone belonging to Randy Washington, of Dolton, Ill, who was arrested last week.

Bizarre News

Okay people, can someone please tell me how the hell a person becomes this stupid??? Come on people! If ya rob a bank, you don't tell an entire state about it! If you do, you might as well call the police station and tell them to come and pick you up. Granted this was an over the phone confession, seriously, did this chump really think that something like this would be easily ignored? Especially if it's true???? I can only hope that all criminals become this stupid. Wouldn't that be nice if all criminals started a trend to where they would make anonymous phone calls to radio stations admitting their crimes? You know they would be dumb enough to call from their own home.

HEY! I have the greatest idea! Do you know of someone who is a radio DJ??? If so, what you should do is encourage your DJ friend to have a contest for the world's smartest criminal. Have them call in with their most clever crimes but be sure to tell these morons that they have to be crimes that were done in the past; not crimes that they committed just for this purpose. The world knows we don't want to encourage crime.

The key is to make them feel clever and smart. Ensure them that it's safe and there is no risk of police efforts. Get as much information as possible by telling the criminal that the more information they give, the more humiliated police will become because they can't catch the criminal; kind of like a teaser. Criminals are dumb, they'll fall for it. Then, once you get those calls, log them from the caller ID and report the crime. If by chance, the caller ID is blocked or private, you can always have a line tracer available, which is something that you should be doing anyway. Just think of all the criminals you might catch. Think it could work? You'd be surprised.

Now, you might be thinking that this can be construed as "entrapment" but I assure you that it's not. The reason why it's not entrapment is because this is not being set up by law enforcement. On the surface, it portrays entertainment but on the inside, it's a citizen's good Samaritan gesture to his/her country by helping to catch wanted criminals.

So, if you know of a radio DJ that is willing to do such a thing, then pass the word on!

PS - This is just a suggestion. I am not responsible for the words that come from my fingers.