I Dream of Placentas

You know those really weird dreams you have; just totally bizarre with a capital CREEPY? Man, did I have one those last night and the minute I awoke, I felt like jumping in the shower.

There I was in a hospital waiting room sitting on a cushioned bench. I look to my left and this lady is screaming bloody murder because she is in labor. The whole time, I am wondering why this woman isn’t in a delivery room. Instead, she is sitting on another bench to the left of me. The nurses and doctors come up to me and tell me that my water has broken. I look down at a big belly and I think to myself I’m pregnant? How the hell did that happen? I wasn’t pregnant yesterday but today I’m nine months pregnant?! They lay me down on the bench and I lift my head up to see that woman in labor across from me on her back, legs spread, everything exposed and they are telling her to push. This is freakin nuts! Then they all started chanting for me to push. "Shouldn’t I be in a delivery room and not on a bench in the waiting area????" "Just push, PUSH, PUSH!!!" So I start pushing and this baby pops out of me. I look down and I smile to see this baby that the doctor is holding up, umbilical cord and all. No pain. Wouldn’t that be nice in reality? I look down again, this time at my hospital gown and I am soaked in after birth. Gross!!!! I start to gag and the doctor cuts the umbilical cord and tells me I need to walk down the hall to have the placenta removed. "Where?" "Just follow the other women." So I get up, after birth and all, and walk over to the department where I stand in line, waiting to have my placenta removed while an umbilical cord dangles between my legs underneath my hospital gown. I see a nurse to my right and she looks at all of us standing there and then announces on a PA – "We need a doctor in the Placenta Department, we have a long line of woman here waiting to have their placentas removed!"